That one relationship that should have broke me, but actually helped me learn. 

Which relationship has taught you the most about yourself?

    My very last relationship taught me the most about myself.

I’m not going to get into all of the details, but I will say that it taught me what I’m worth, what I do and don’t deserve and what I will and will not accept in any new relationship I may get into – in the future.

My last ex was 6-years-ago. Yes. That long ago.

I’ve been single for 6 years because after him, I learned that if a man doesn’t put all of his effort into a relationship – I don’t want it!

I loved the heck out of my ex back then and now, all I could think about – was how I dodged a bullet. 👀

I think – in all of the time we were together (about 7 years on and off maybe), he brought me one mother’s day gift and we have a son together. He never got me any birthday gifts, mother’s day gifts, Christmas gifts – none of it. I was the one always spoiling him. Doing nice things for him.

I’d go get my hair done or change my hair color and he never really said much about it.

He was always lying. Cheating. Lying about cheating. He’d cheat on women he was cheating on me with, so while I hated that he was cheating, I wasn’t jealous of the ones he was cheating with because he told them all the same bs, and then he’d go cheat on them as well.

Matter of fact – in my cell phone – he’s listed as (Shaggy – it wasn’t me), because if you’ve ever heard that song by Shaggy …. He talks about being caught with the girl next door, and tries telling his girl (who caught him) that it wasn’t him.

Even when she saw it and caught him – with her own eyes.

When I presented my ex with all the evidence I had the many times he was cheating, he’d always say, “It wasn’t me!”. 🤣 So, that’s what he’s listed as now in my phone. Shaggy. It wasn’t me. For that reason.

If he did ever take me out – he’d be drunk half the time and acting stupid. Not even a fun, silly, playful kind of drunk. It was a mean, cold, A-hole kind of drunk, and he’d call me names or embarrass me while he was drunk.

I’d take it all because I loved him.

I really did love him and I tried for years to make it work and pray that he’d change.

That he would love me and his son enough to want to change.

I took him into my home twice, and he messed it up twice.

I did a lot for that man, including sitting by his bedside while he was in the hospital with heart issues, and I’d talk to his doctor about different medications we could try – to help him – only for him to yell at me and tell me to mind my business and then to call the hospital one day – and have another woman answer his phone.

I was always home alone taking care of our son by myself while this man was out drinking, out with women, or just being who he was.

Still, I loved him and I was always there when he called me or needed me – sitting with him through legal battles he faced for DUIs, dealing with his lawyer – and nothing changed him. I got him the lawyer he had and asked all the right questions – for him.

I was his ride or die.

Until one day….. I wasn’t.

I went through so much with that guy and because of him – that if I were to sit here and list it all – you’d call me an idiot for staying as long as I did – but….  I already know that. I was stupid, and I was in love.

One day, I just decided I couldn’t do it anymore and it was time to let him go, and I did.

I moved to Minnesota in 2020, saw him for the very last time, and went on my way.

Still, I had a little bit of hope that with us being in Minnesota, he’d miss us enough to want to change and be a family, and be the man he needed to be for us, but – nothing changed and he was still cheating on different women, lying to women, drinking, getting into trouble with the law, and acting crazy.

Little by little – I was okay with not being with him, and I realized I deserved so much better, that I was worth so much more and I had so much love to give to the right person – and he wasn’t it.

I also knew that if one of my sons treated their girlfriends, kids mothers, or wife that way – I’d throw hands and knock the living knuckleheads out of them because I’ll be damned if any woman comes to me and cries because of something one of my sons said or did to her. So, if I wouldn’t let either of my sons treat a woman that way – why should they see me get treated that way?

I knew I had to move on, and let that man go.

And, I did.

He was allowed to come see his son whenever he wanted, or call him – and he couldn’t even be bothered to do that, so eventually – I just left him alone.

I raised my son by myself, did what I had to do, and stayed single for all those years because I needed to heal and because I knew that the next man I meet or date and possibly become serious with – better bring his best A-game and treat me like he knows what I’m worth and doesn’t want to lose me! 😁

The next man I give a chance to – has one chance to get it right. Not multiple like my last ex had. One. If you mess up the first time – shame on you, but there won’t be a shame on me.

Will we argue? Yes.

Will we probably annoy the hell out of each other? Yes.

I’ll take all that because it’s normal relationship stuff, but if I catch the next man cheating, lying, lying about cheating, cursing me out, making me look bad, embarrassing me, getting into trouble, acting crazy – adios!

I don’t have any more strength or time for that mess.

I’m too old and grown for that.

My kids hated my last ex. They were so happy when I moved on with my life and chose me – finally.

These days – they want me to go out and meet someone or start dating again, and I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet, but in time – I wouldn’t mind meeting a man who can handle a relationship the right way. 

I know women like to say that all men cheat or men suck – but the reality of it – is that there are some good men out there who were raised right!  ❤️

The relationship with my last ex taught me that I come first and that if I’m not happy in a relationship, or I’m not being respected and treated right – I leave right then and there. No 2nd and 3rd chances. No room for apologizing and forgiving the nonsense. No drama.

Just goodbyes.

The relationship with my last ex taught me that I deserve better than what he gave me, and I won’t ever allow someone to treat me that way again – whether I love them or not.

The relationship with my last ex taught me that I’m worth so much love.

He taught me that I’m okay being single until the right man comes along and if not – I’m okay just being a mother, a friend, a good family member where I can be to those who do love me and treat me well.

The relationship with my last ex taught me that the first time a man shows you who he really is – believe it and run the other way if it doesn’t look right / sound right. (That goes for you men as well). You deserve to be treated right and if a woman isn’t doing that for you – get gone!

The relationship with my last ex taught me that I’m a damn good woman and he lost out. It taught me that I’m stronger than I think, and I don’t need a man in my life to make me happy.

6 years now and I’ve had so much peace and calmness just raising my kids and making my money. Living my life without answering to anyone or fighting with anyone and without any man causing me drama and sleepless nights.

I always giggle when I see the memes or TikToks that say, “Girl, you’re over there with two college degrees crying over a man who only has a birth certificate”. 🤣🧐 I have my college degrees and I can’t tell you how many times I smile at that meme no matter how many times I see it because some people are out here crying over men and women who aren’t worth it.

I did that for years and never again.

If I’m not crying happy tears, I’m not crying NO tears for a man who wants to waste my time.

What did Ariana Grande say?

(lol)

In all seriousness – the relationship with him made me realize so much about myself and taught me that I’m going to be alright no matter what.

Single and all. I’m happy. I’m at peace. I’m respecting myself enough to not let anyone else waste my time.

I’ve dated here and there, but I’m so quick to catch on to nonsense these days, I shut it down fast.

Don’t get me wrong! There have been a few times I get lonely and think I want to try to love again, and maybe in the future I will meet that great guy – but for now….I’m grateful for what my last ex taught me about myself and that I now know what I do and don’t deserve and do and don’t want to deal with again. 🫩

I laugh because Tyler Perry in his play as Madea – was also talking to a man whose wife had cheated on him and Madea talked about how she was the worst.

“You couldn’t have gotten worse if you had prayer and said God – send me worse!”.

I don’t want to sit here and bash him and that’s not what I’m trying to do, but he was absolutely my worst relationship that taught me so much about myself and had me looking in the mirror thinking to myself, “You are a precious Queen, baby! What are you doing with this man!!!!??????”.  So, I had to learn the hard way how to spot red flags and really pay attention to them, so I didn’t get caught in a relationship like that one again.

And….if I’m single for the rest of my life and become a crazy cat lady…so be it. 😃

If I find a man that’s amazing and we just decide to have fun and live the rest of our lives in peace – so be that, too!

Truth is – I’d love to find love and someone I can be with for years and years. Someone I can just have fun with. Laugh with. Cuddle with. Be silly and playful with…..but if not – I’m okay with being single.

I just won’t ever settle for less again, and I never want to go through what my last ex put me through again.

He taught me that someone like him – should be kicked to the curb during the first red flags, and not to let him or anyone else keep waving them – until I finally understand what they mean.

Listen.

Madea (Tyler Perry) once said it best in one of his plays.

“You’re sitting here crying over someone and in a few years, you ain’t even going to remember their last name! You’re going to look back and wonder what the hell you were thinking!”. 🧐

I can confirm that! Ha.

So, I thank my last ex for teaching me what I don’t want in the future. 💜

       And, now that this WP writing prompt for today has been answered – I have so much more to share and so many updates for all of you, but I haven’t had the time to sit down and write.

I promise I will though – eventually and catch you all up on everything that’s been happening in my life, but let me just say that you better buckle up when I do update you because my life has been one hell of a roller coaster ride lately! 🫤

I’m a mess. My life is a mess.

I’m all over the place, but I believe this chapter of my life is almost over and I can’t wait to see the next one because dammit – I’m ready to close and forget about the one I’m stuck in now. 

          Until next time…..I love y’all, and I’m so happy it’s almost spooky season.

Let me to get my 🧹 out and ride into the wind! 😄

     XoXo.

                        🎃 Shel 🎃