What’s the most underrated life skill?
Staying another day.
Seriously.
I think people who are suicidal, depressed, wanting to die – but stay another day and survive – are using a powerful and highly under – rated life skill.
Living.
It’s not easy to do when you don’t want to, but some people think of the pain it would cause others if they left this earth. Some people stay to see if things get better for them. Some people stay because they have the courage to hold on and see what’s next or to ask for help.
Either way – living when you don’t feel like it – continuing to be here still and going on – definitely under-rated, and definitely a life skill in my opinion.
I think those of you who continue to stay and to live when you don’t see any end to the pain, or feel hopeless and exhausted by this life – are so brave, and amazing. 💜
I pray you continue to live and stay and be beautiful.
You’re worth it. You matter. You are great!
Also, if you need someone to listen, to be there for you, don’t know where else to turn – I’m always one email away. One text or call away if you have my number.
I mean that! We’ll figure shit out together, and you’re never alone. ☺️
I don’t think you know how precious and awesome you are for just staying another day – everyday.
………..
Okay. Now – what’s going on with me lately?
👀
I said I have to share some of the wildest, craziest things that have been going on lately, so first…..
Let me share that my older son’s dog had to be put down a few weeks ago.
Scrappy was such an amazing dog and a big part of our family for years. He was my oldest daughter’s dog, but when she passed, my older son took Scrappy and joked around – calling Scrappy his son.
Scrappy was a great dog and lived a great life, spoiled as hell – and had it made, but we also knew that we had it made as well because Scrappy loved to cuddle, loved attention, loved people’s food and was always there for us when we went through anything.
A few days before we put him down, I had a little break down.
I was in tears over everything I’ve been dealing with and I let out so much that night – the tears I’ve been holding in for so long kept falling – and Scrappy pushed my hands away from my head – licking my tears and cuddling up under my neck. 😌 He let me pet him, and just cuddle with him as I cried and cried.
That was the night my daughter (Kailani) explained to my little dude that (it’s not just about the spoon). 🤣 I’ll get into that in a second – but – Scrappy was so special for many reasons, and him being there for those who were hurting emotionally – was one of the biggest reasons we loved that dog.
However – Scrappy was also getting old. Iffy. More aggressive. He was starting to try to attack people, and sometimes – if he was in some kind of mood – he’d try to attack one of us, and I think that’s how we knew it was time.
When we had to start tip-toeing around him because we never knew what his moods were.
He had a long life, and we knew him getting older, having more health issues and being more aggressive – we would have to do it soon, but when we talked about it – it was so different than actually doing it.
A week before we put him down – he tried to attack Kailani just for trying to put his collar back on, and we kind of knew this was it. We couldn’t risk him attacking someone else or one of us anymore, and this wasn’t the first time, so as sweet as he was and could be – we also had to admit that he was also very moody and iffy at times, and we never knew which side of him we were going to get from one day to the next.
He’d want you to cuddle him and give him attention and he’d side-eye you at the same time.
The day we decided to put him down, we talked to the vet and we got everything taken care of.
He was taken back to a room and placed on a cute little puppy paws blanket, and sedated. I said goodbye to him and cried over it when he was still fully awake and didn’t know what was about to happen yet, and then – I walked out of the room.
I suggested my older son didn’t stay in the room while it’s being done because that was his dog mainly, I knew he loved the hell out of Scrappy – even though Scrappy drove him crazy sometimes – and it would kill him, but he didn’t want to leave Scrappy in there to die alone.
I understood that, and my daughter wanted to be there as well. I couldn’t say no, so I allowed her to go in.
I had an errand to run quickly and when I came back, my daughter was crying and said Scrappy was sedated, but he was fighting it. The vet said he rarely sees a dog fight the sedation like Scrappy was, and that poor baby was probably so scared and confused.
My daughter told me I had to go in there and say goodbye to him, but I told her I did that before they sedated him. She said they told him “grandma is coming”, and that he was looking around for me, but he was just laying there. I tried telling her no, but eventually – she convinced me to go back in, so the little dude and I went to say goodbye one last time.
That damn dog knew me as “grandma” because the kids would always say,“Go by Grandma”, and he’d come running over to me, or if my older son was playing his video games – and Scrappy had to go outside – Scrappy knew to come by me and whine – because I’d yell at my son and tell him to get off the game and take Scrappy outside – now!
My son would laugh and tell Scrappy, “You need to stop running to Grandma and snitching!”.
if I was eating, Scrappy would sit right by the kitchen table and I’d look down and joke that he was waiting for grandma to feed him, and I usually did! 😝
So, when my kids told me they said “grandma is coming”, and Scrappy looked around the room – I don’t doubt it, and I had to go in there and at least see him alive one last time.
Everything in me wanted to scream that we changed our minds and not to do it, but I knew this was the right call.
My son was in tears and I rarely see Frankie cry his eyes out like that day, but I told him this would kill him and he shouldn’t be in there once again. I get why he needed to be, but still – I didn’t want him to remember Scrappy on that table like that.
Once the doctor came in to give the kill shot, I guided my little dude into the hallway with me.
Not even 2 minutes later, the doctor walked back out and told me, “He went peacefully and quickly”. I had no idea it happens that fast, but it really does, and my heart just broke. I started crying and when I walked back into the room – my kids were in tears more than I’ve ever seen them cry before. 💔
Scrappy was family, and while I wish it didn’t come to this – we all knew it was just a matter of time.
My son wanted Scrappy’s ashes back, so of course – I paid the $150, and Scrappy now sits in a cute little urn, and my son placed his collar around it.
The doctor also let my son keep the blanket.
Right across the hall while Scrappy was about to be euthanized, the dog over there was giving birth to puppies, so Frankie joked he was going to take one of those and name it (Scrappy 2.0), but I knew he was trying to keep his sense of humor in a sad situation.
Give a life, take a life, right?
Isn’t that how it goes in this world?
Ah. Scrappy was amazing the entire time we had him, and it’s unfortunate that we had to put him down, but he really did live a long and good life.
The kids also laughed when Frankie put a milk bone right next to Scrappy before we left, and I told him Scrappy was going to haunt his ass because he knows damn well Scrappy didn’t like those milk bones. lol
Rest easy up there, Scrappy. Thank you for years of laughter, love and doggie kisses.
So, let me make you giggle after that awful news I just shared…….
The night I had my little break down – I was irritated, upset, emotional, mentally drained and dealing with a lot of things going on in my life currently.
I was fine until I accidentally hit a curb after getting gas that night.
I started crying, and my crying wouldn’t stop.
I was at the point of sobbing, and the kids kind of tried not to laugh when Elijah said, “She just hit a curb. It’s not that big of a deal. The car is fine. What is wrong with women?”. 🤣
My daughter told him, “Elijah! When a woman drops a spoon on the floor and starts to cry uncontrollably, it’s NEVER just about the spoon”.
I joked back that if the spoon had ice cream on it and fell – I’d definitely be crying over just the spoon. Lmfao.
He was so confused and she had to explain that when women cry over the littlest things like a dropped spoon or hitting a curb – it’s always about something bigger. Something else going on that a woman is holding in, and feeling and that she just can’t be strong anymore. The crying over something little – is usually the breaking point leading up to what’s really going on in her heart and mind, and in her life.
He was still so confused, and all I could do was laugh at that point, because it was hilarious the way he was looking at me, and his facial expressions.
So, that’s the story of the curb and no. It wasn’t about the curb. It was about everything else I had been holding in. The curb was just the final straw and the reason I needed to let all the emotions and tears out that I had been holding in.
My kids laughed even more when Elijah said, “Women are so confusing!”. 😁 Yes, we are, kid!
……..
My car also completely died and that’s another issue I’ve been dealing with. How? I have no idea, but if the shop did something wrong, they won’t admit it and I can’t prove it.
A few months ago – I mentioned this damn car was smoking under the hood and giving me all kinds of issues, so I had it towed to a shop in Minnesota because that’s where it stopped working before we moved to Illinois.
My foreign baby was handed over to a mechanic who swore he knew what he was doing, came up with $6,000 in work it needed, and fine. Whatever. He got the work done – telling me my engine is still perfect. Still strong. Still beautiful.
He then calls me and tells me he has bad news and good news last month. The bad news? He got everything put back together and all the parts changed with the work it needed. Everything was new and great, so he started the car, said it ran for 60 seconds and the timing jumped.
He wanted another $2,500, but he promised that if I got the timing fixed – with my engine being in such great condition – my car would be golden, good to go, and run like new for another few years. (That was the good news).
I told him I’m not giving him another $2,500, but I wanted my car back, so I ended up telling him to let me see what I could do.
I forgot about it for a while because I had a rental out here in Illinois and the rental was lovely. 🤣 It was a decent smaller SUV, but I loved it and enjoyed driving it. Yet – I was paying almost $500 weekly for that damn thing, and I knew it had to be returned eventually because with that kind of money – I could be buying a brand new one.
I called the shop, told them to do whatever with the car and the mechanic said that he talked to his boss. The boss said if I wrote them a great review…. They’d fix the timing chain, tensioners and all – for free!
I knew it was too good to be true, because once I wrote that review and two weeks went by without me hearing anything from them, I called the shop a few times and the mechanic was always ‘conveniently‘ not available.
I finally told someone who answered the phone one day that he needed to call me asap, and when he finally did – he told me he’s been trying to avoid the conversation.
My engine was shot. No. It makes no sense and you’re probably wondering what the hell – just like I did because this guy told me a few times my engine is beautiful. Strong. Good to go. So, either he messed up trying to fix the timing chain and doesn’t want to admit it, or he didn’t want to do any other work on the car because his boss told him to do it for free and give me my car back.
When he thought he was getting more money, the engine was all good and now – it’s shot? Really?
I had to go to Minnesota a few days ago, and I went to get my things out of the car, and it wouldn’t even turn on. I truly believe he messed something up and he knows it – which is why he was avoiding the conversation – but I haven’t decided if I want to just let the car go and take it as a loss, or contact someone and find out what really happened.
Either way, I really loved that car and I’ll keep ya updated.
It’s sitting at the shop now looking so lonely, but I was able to get my things out of it at least, and I took my license plate off of it because it was one that I had customized in memory of my oldest.
With that bad news, and with Scrappy being put down a while back… as well as some other things we’ll talk about another time as I let it all out little by little – life has been crazy. Insane. Wild.
I know they say that “God gives his hardest battles to his toughest soldiers“, but I don’t want to be tough anymore. I want God to let me chill now. I want God to be like, “Okay. She’s been through enough. Let’s start blessing her!”. 👀
Either way, I always wake up with faith and hope in my heart and pray that each day is better than the last.
I know I’ll get through it because I always get through shit, but I wish God didn’t trust me so much with the battles he throws at me or the battlefield he puts me front-line on.
To top all that off and the things I haven’t even begun to write about yet – I’m sick as hell right now. Nose stuffed. Throat is killing me. Coughing up a storm.
Let me make you giggle a bit (or hopefully).
My little dude jumped on me at 5:30 AM this morning and shook me. He yelled MOM twice and asked if I was okay. I was confused and told him yes. I asked why and he said it sounded like I was under water. 🤣 I told him I was gasping for air, but I’m fine. I joked with him and told him, “aweeee. You care!”. He jumped off of me, and joked that he doesn’t, but we all know that’s proof, right? Ha.
So, life is just going at me hardcore right now, but I’m trying to ride the waves and know that eventually – God has something good for me and I just can’t wait until he shows me what it is – because what the hell? People keep saying the devil doesn’t attack someone so hard unless he knows God is up to something – but I’m going to need God to show me what he’s up to a little faster. lol.
For all my loves out there reading this and going through a season in your life where nothing is going right and nothing makes sense …. Me too, babies! The only thing we can do ….is pray it out and wait on God to make miracles happen.
On the plus side – I’m looking forward to family night at Elijah’s school this week, and possibly taking the kids to a haunted cemetery out here – although – I have wondered if it’s really in a cemetery or they just made it look like one, but the whole county is saying how awesome it was for those who went.
I’m looking forward to pumpkin patches, and corn mazes with the kids, and Halloween of course!
I just took my nephews and daughter to Spirit Halloween a few days ago, because my nephews were bugging their mother to go, and she needed a break.
One of my favorite photos of T.J. and Matthew:
They had a blast looking at costumes, wigs, trying on hats, walking around getting jump-scared by different moving statues in there, and all.
We spent a good amount of time there, and when we looked at everything – Kailani, myself and a worker – were watching two teenage girls dress in different things and make Tik-Toks.
Lord, have Mercy! The Internet has these kids in a choke-hold.
After that, we took the boys to Bakers Square.
Bakers Square has always been mine and Kailani’s spot when we just need a break from the world. We’ll go and get pie, and she’ll get pop or chocolate milk, while I get Coffee. We’ll sit in peace, chat for a while, laugh, and just enjoy the relaxation for a bit – as we tune out everything else.
So, we shared our spot with the boys, and we all got pie, as we laughed, chatted and enjoyed our time together. ❤️
The boys wanted to stay out longer and do something else, but that was the night we had to be up early in the middle of the night to head to Minnesota, so we took them home and headed home ourselves.
With that being said, I’ll chat about some other things going on in my life or things I’ve been dealing with – on another day, but this is just some of it and y’all keep me in your prayers – as I try to keep my sanity. Pft!
I will say that my older son now has a really good job removing boat docks and other docks from the lakes out here.
He loves it and works his ass off – sometimes really long hours every day, and he comes home looking like he got his ass whooped. 🤣 He is covered in bruises on his legs and arms, and he fell once already straight off one of the boats and into the water.
He joked that he looks like his girlfriend beat his ass, and I joked that if he did have a girlfriend and told me that, I’d believe it and go looking for her, so I told him not to ever joke that way.
He comes home sore and so tired and I’m so proud of him. 😚
Besides that……
It is what it is for now.
XOXO.
💜Shel💜