Good morning darlings.
I would love to be drinking coffee right now as I write this, but my coffee pot broke a few days ago, and I figured there was no point in picking up a new right now – since we’re moving.
It is 5 AM, the house is quiet, the kids are still sleeping, and I had to get up to order a few things from Walmart.
More moving boxes.
Tape.
Bubble wrap.
A few other things.
We’re really doing this. We’re really moving back to IL. and I laugh when friends keep saying I manifested this because I kept saying I want to try to be out of Minnesota by the end of summer, and – it’s happening. Well, if that’s the case – I manifest $10,000 hitting my bank account.
That’s not too much to ask, is it?! lol. I joke. I joke.
Seriously though, if I’m being honest – I’m scared. I know I wrote about how the Bible says “DO NOT BE AFRAID” over and over and over the other day, but I think now that it’s getting closer to us truly leaving Minnesota for good, fear had me frozen this morning as I laid in bed thinking about all the things that could go wrong.
I went through all the “what ifs”.
I think I gave myself a tension headache.
I wanted this for so long. The kids have wanted this for so long.
Minnesota is a great state, but when we moved to this small little town – we didn’t think about how everything is so far away. How long it takes to get in to see a doctor or dentist here because there’s not many. How there’s not many things for people to do out here unless you fish or hunt.
We didn’t think of any of that. We just saw a new life, and lots of beauty.
It’s going to be great to go back to IL. and have everything so close by. The stores. The food places. Varieties of everything. People we know and love. Going right around the corner and seeing so many stores and fun things to do – and not having to travel miles and hours for things as I said before.
Yet – there’s this fear inside of me that wonders if I’m making the right decision.
As the time gets closer to close our patio door one last time, and drive away from this small town for good – it’s bittersweet, and I have so many mixed emotions.
A few days ago – I was a little irritated because when I told my landlords I would like to break the lease early only because my car broke down and I have no way around right now, the wife told me that my lease goes until May of 2027, and if I break the lease early, I’d have to pay the remainder of the rent for that time period, or I’d have to find a new tenant myself. I was fine with finding a new tenant, and when I told her I’d love to stay but I have to move somewhere closer to the nearest city of back home to my state where I can get around and get to work, she said she’d talk to her husband and get back to me.
And then – I was so happy and a little sad at the same time – when she did talk to her husband, he understood and they sent me a document to sign through email – releasing me from the remainder of my lease with no fault of my own, and no consequences. 💕 The husband realizes life happens, and I realized that this is for real, and I’m actually moving long before I thought I would.
The plan was to move in May of next year, but this car issue has forced me to have no choice but to move now because of how far I am from everything. This goes back to a post I wrote the other day about everything happening for a reason. Maybe I’m supposed to move back home. Maybe God really does know what he’s doing up there, and maybe when I move back, good things will happen and all the fear and worry – will be for nothing.
So, I got out of my lease with no issues.
Yesterday, I dealt with this car issue, and I’m still torn between just fixing up this car that I am almost finished paying off, and letting it go, but if I let it go – that’s a hit to my credit, and I absolutely don’t need that when I’m trying to buy a house.
Listen. I know that:
Yet………….part of me wants to find a field in the middle of nowhere and scream!
Here’s what I do know.
I need to open my Bible.
I mentioned the other day that my good friend (Ashley) is on her journey to being closer to Jesus / God, and she keeps telling me to get back to reading my Bible, and I think she’s right. I need to.
If you want to smile…………………………………
Since I don’t have my car right now, my daughter’s friend Olivia came by yesterday and was sweet enough to drive us to pick up the U-HAUL.
I offered her gas money and dinner.
When she came by, I was on the phone – and I was about to tell my daughter she was here, but Olivia got out of her car, opened my patio door without knocking, and walked right in. She saw me on the phone, I waved at her, and she waved – as she walked right past me, walked down the hall and went to find my daughter.
I loved that.
I love when my kids’ friends feel comfortable enough to just walk in and do whatever – like they’re family. Like they live here. It means I made them feel comfortable enough to do so, and that made me smile. 🤗 I’ve always treated my kids’ friends like my own, and many of them call me “mom”, so I’m going to miss all of the ones here – that have become like my own kids.
So, as we were on the way to get the U-Haul, Olivia was talking so much about Jesus / God, the Bible, Bible stories, and schooling my daughter about things in the Bible. She and I were talking about our beliefs in religion and life when it comes to God, and I loved when she said that we may not love the sin, but God tells us we must love “the sinner”. That made me smile the most.
I had no idea that she was so into God, the Bible, and just being a good person, and when I saw that side of her yesterday, I joked that my daughter should have hung out with her more. I know Olivia. I love Olivia. I had no idea that Olivia truly believes in God and reads her Bible. I had no idea that Olivia had a cross tattooed on her forearm, or that she came from such a great family.
Her mother called her and actually checked on her, which is something I would do when my daughter is out, so I loved that as well. Not many of my daughters’ friends’ parents ever call and check on them, so that was refreshing.
Olivia and I had some great conversations over dinner as well – about politics, about God, about life, about education, and so many other things. My daughter chimed in about stuff she knew about, and I will say that Olivia is a lot more mature than most – for her age. If we were staying in Minnesota, I’d love for my daughter to hang out with her a lot more now that I know Olivia not only comes from a good family but is very much a believer in God and wants to do good in life.
I always try to make sure my kids believe in God, are good people, and do good things.
My daughter laughed when Olivia and I were talking about how we love the Lord, but we can still get crazy if we need to, how we listen to Cardi B. still, and love dark Romance books. I joked and said, “I guess we’re lucky that God loves us as much as we love him and can turn his head a little bit and pretend he doesn’t see all that”. 😁
All in all, I was grateful Olivia helped me out yesterday.
If you want to hear something funny – I wanted Biscuits and Gravy. I love B&G. My daughter wanted B&G – as well, so she ordered first, while Olivia and I were into a deep conversation about something.
I don’t even remember what, but I know the waitress asked my daughter if she wanted Sausage or Chicken for her B&G. My daughter said Chicken, and she was ordering some other stuff, so when the waitress asked what I wanted, I said “the exact same thing”, and went back to my conversation with Olivia.
So, when my B&G came and it had cheese on it and looked like a Biscuit sandwich covered in Gravy, I was confused. That is not how I wanted it, but my daughter reminded me that I said I wanted the same thing. I didn’t complain. I didn’t want to make the waitress remake it because I messed up, so I ate it and it wasn’t bad at all.
If we’re ever out together in a restaurant – DON’T TALK TO ME WHILE I’M ABOUT TO ORDER! 🤣
Olivia went home after we ate, and my daughter and I took the U-haul home.
My older son and myself – we’ll be taking things we need to throw away – to the dump this morning, coming back to load up the truck with things we need to take to storage for now, cleaning the apartment, and tonight – I may just get myself a bottle of wine and cry about the good memories we had here and the people and things I’ll miss. 🥺
Minnesota hasn’t been all bad, and we’ll be back to visit.
We promised my daughter’s good friend – Pey – that we’d come back for her graduation next year, and one of her good friends Mya – her dad said if we come back to visit – we’d still do the bonfires we always went to, and he has a camper we could stay in.
I still have many good people up here that I want to come back and see – including my tenants in the facility I work in, and the woman who saved me when I was at my lowest after my oldest passed.
Still, it is bittersweet leaving this apartment behind.
This is the last place I saw my oldest when we celebrated as she turned 21 in 2021.
We have such good memories of holidays here, and lots of love and laughter.
I also know that:
So, join me on this adventure as we go back to our home state, and start life all over again. As we make new memories back home, continue to share love and laughter, and see what IL. has in store for us this time. 💕
Life never stops changing.
I think we all know that.
Life never stops throwing curve balls our way.
I think we all know that, too!
What’s important – is that you roll with the punches, catch those curveballs, and turn them into something that makes you happy in the end. What’s important – is that you don’t give up, and that you use humor to deal with whatever you’re going through. What’s important – is that you see the beauty in whatever happens and take it as either lessons or blessings.
……………….I have to go jump in the shower, eat something and get ready to head to the dump in a bit, so I love all of you, and hope you have a beautiful day! 🤗
Before I get out of here – if you want to giggle – out in Chicago, we can throw almost anything in the alley, and the garbage men are going to pick it right up and take it. Whatever they don’t take – we have junk guys who go around picking up huge items from the alley, and either take them to get scraped for money, or throw them elsewhere.
Here in Minnesota, I was surprised when we first moved here and I had to ask what the hell “the Dump” was. We can’t just throw things in alleys or anywhere here.
Bigger items that can’t be thrown into the garbage bin – go to the dump, and I’ve only been there once, but it was so cool.
You go in, pay $20 depending on what you have, and it’s this huge facility where a bunch of guys separate everything, or tell you where to put things you want to throw away.
The things that go in the grinder – they’ll say, “Toss it in there!”.
We threw so many things into the grinder, and I stood there in awe – looking over the side and watching the grinder tear apart and shred the items we threw in there.
My older son laughed and told me if I didn’t back up, I was going to accidentally go over and see the grinder up close, but it was the coolest thing. I’ve never seen anything like that before, so when we go back today – I’m going to enjoy seeing it again.
It’s not hard to keep me entertained, okay?! ha.
XOXO
💕Shel💕